I'm Lauren Michelle, I Smile so Well

It’s funny.  I was playing indoor soccer tonight in the gym of African Bible College, a local college with exceptionally nice facilities as compared to other public institutions in town.  The five-man (actually 5-woman) teams were a mingling of Malawians, students, professionals and ex-pats from various corners of the world.  The point of significance was not the hodgepodge of nationalities but more so the age of the players involved.  Girls in high school, age 14, looking spritely and brimming with energy up to the oldest player-Me. Age 30.  Generally, teams are selected based on the color of the t-shirt people wear and as luck would have it all of the ‘veteran’ players (not necessarily experienced but older) were placed on the same team.  Kickoff happened and it seemed to be young vs. old(er).  

There was a moment when I was subbed out and simply observing the game progress from the sideline.  Our team had maintained possession and had better vision on the court, which meant a lopsided score in our favor (Not that anyone was really keeping score because the games are always friendly). One of the young girls of 14, who looked more like 12 with a baby face and an infinite motor, had possession of the ball and was dribbling down the court.  Our defense was slow to retreat so the goal was all but wide open.  She took her shot and made it.  You could see her chest visibly swell with pride.  A small jump, followed by a fist pump and an audible, “Yesss”.  Keep in mind the score was a lot to a little and there had been no ‘touchdown dances’ prior.  Her moment was short lived but the celebration brought a smile to my face.  Her enthusiasm and competitive spirit actually reminded me of me way back when. 

My imagination whisked me out of the gym and into George Deklotz stadium, under the lights of Las Lomas High School.  Back then I was confident with my athletic ability, which might have teetered on arrogant if not for the lightning fast midfielders that kept me humble.  I had an energy and attitude of invincibility that made that time in my life so naively special.  To be perfectly honest, I still feel an air of invincibility however that feeling is fading with the knowledge of the impact an emergency would have on my family and friends.  For this reason, I take myself a little more seriously although I will never allow fear to keep me from pursuing the life I feel destined to lead.  Not going to happen. Sorry Mom and Dad. Base-jumping is still in the cards some day…OK, back to the story. 

As I giggled to myself and watched the young players work I reflected on my years since my own high school days.  In hindsight, I realize that I have grown up.  I have grown up A LOT.  I guess I have not changed, so much as grown to become more of myself.  I believe my journey to this point has been an indescribable adventure chalked full of highs and lows, although I must admit that the positive events have far outweighed the negative ones.  Never ending family support, teaching moments, opportunity, connections with people and places, giving back, love and education.  Experiences that have built me up and broken me down and created the person I am today.  I am not admitting to adulthood here but there is such a vast contrast between myself then and myself now.  That said, I know I don't always make the best decisions (my stubborn pride and that little voice inside my head screaming, "Do it" often muddle my ability to do so) but the most important thing is that I have no regrets.  This little moment in the gym tonight brought all of this awareness to the forefront and continues to make me smile as I write this.