I’m in one of those moods. One of those moods when I don’t feel like talking to anyone, preferring to turn my back on most everything and be alone with my thoughts. I can’t put my finger on why exactly I have landed in this despondent state but non-the-less I am here. I know the gloom will pass in good time but in some weird way I don’t mind wallowing in this 'Debbie Downer' mood. It makes me feel grounded, knowing that everyone has their bad days. As bizarre as it is, these moods turn me into a contemplative intellectual. I brood over various things that have been on my mind, reflect on my life and the people in it and ask the hard questions. Once I get tired of the philosopher in me I go back to being my enthusiastic self who thinks out loud even while others are listening, takes great pleasure in sunsets, makes wishes on stars, sings off key, laughs when it may be inappropriate and respects kids who play in the dirt.
When I am in one of these seldom dumpster dispositions I can count on thoughts of my classroom and the individuals in it to lift my spirits. So with that, I would like to introduce you to a group of people I have been privileged enough to spend the last year of my life with.
They are men and women ranging in age from 25-66; asylum seekers, refugees and a local from the Democratic Republic of Congo, Rwanda, Burundi and Malawi. Everyday they are eager to learn about our coursework as well as tangential gems of wisdom that seem to sprout up and grow into teaching moments. A description of my students based solely on their nationalities seems distant and unfamiliar when my intent is to show you the warmth of their personalities and the uniqueness of their spirits.
More specifically, they are a guitar maker, a pastor, a grandfather, an entrepreneur, a mother of six, a nurse, a community leader, a volunteer, a head counselor, a survivor, a storyteller, a quiet soul, an extrovert, a thinker and then there is me, the token Mzungu. We are all individuals whose fate has brought us together to learn, laugh and share time.
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| The Community Counseling Track Students |
My students are amazing human beings that have taught me more than I could have ever expected about myself and about what true priorities are. We have shared secrets in the sanctity of each other’s company, built trust and companionship, exposed our weaknesses, asked honest questions and responded with sincere answers. Over time we have become a unified group coming to understand each other’s idiosyncrasies and building off of each other’s strengths. Academically we are learning about rapport building, clear communication techniques, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Depression, symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, stages of trauma and recovery, counseling perspectives, self care and therapy especially focusing on people living with HIV/AIDS, unaccompanied minors, older adults and people with disabilities. During each and every two-hour session we learn something new and I am able to tuck a life lesson into the back of my brain to be cherished for later.
I was recently pondering the concept of student to teacher reciprocity and I came to the conclusion that our scale is mostly lopsided. On a daily basis I am thanked for my contribution but I feel my students need constant reminder that it is, and always has been my great pleasure and privilege to work alongside them. I have explained that they are the reason I get up in the morning to walk 25 minutes through the rain to the office. They are the reason I travel one hour in a cramped Land Cruiser to get to camp. They are the reason I can look back on the last year and smile my crooked smile.
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| Play Therapy Session |
There are moments in the classroom when I can see people making connections between theory and their work. Their eyebrows raise, their mouths tilt slightly open and the light bulbs inside their heads not just goes on, but beams with understanding. At these moments I usually rise to my feet to drive the lesson home but more so because I can't seem to contain my excitement. Their realization is my proudest moment. Their accomplishment is my accomplishment. My students are always so grateful to be learning amongst a population that is mostly and forcibly idle (According to Malawian law refugees are unable to gain legal employment, which manifests itself into boredom, frustration and restlessness often multiplying the risk for mental health issues).
The other day I walked in on a serious study session before our class even started. My learners were questioning each other, nodding, clarifying and reaching a new level of comprehension. When I realized what was going on around me my eyes watered up and made the extra hours of preparation, lesson planning and photocopying all worth it. "This makes me so happy you have no idea." Their work ethic and initiative fills me with a sense of satisfaction. I am able to measure my success through their progress. Based on their growth and accomplishment I would say that I have, and am, making an impact. My days are long and despite the occasional ‘no good, very bad day’, when I get into that cramped Land Cruiser to go home I know that my privilege is going toward a greater good. Sometimes on the ride back I am stressed out from the demanding schedule, other times my brain checks out and I can’t seem to form proper sentences, still other times I laugh uncontrollably out of sheer exhaustion, but always, ALWAYS, I am happy knowing I get to do it all again tomorrow.
As the time slips away faster and faster through my fingers while I prepare to leave I realize that most of the ‘goodbyes’ will be just that. Good bye. I am struggling with the idea of such a permanent and abrupt ending but I don’t think time could possibly dull the memories only enhance them. The thoughts will occupy small parts of my mind and huge parts of my heart. I have made sacrafices to be here but the work has made it all worth it. It is not a sacrafice I would be willing to make forever and I suppose as our program wraps up, now is as good a time as any to leave though I am not completely convinced. Truth is I have no regrets as I return home except for my failure to learn Chechewa (AND French, Swahili, Kurundi, and Kirwanda). I would not change a thing though. Not even the perpetual broken window at HEM, the leaking roof or the boldness of the odd toilet flies. Not the power cuts that made making copies impossible or the rusty red mud that got crusted in between my toes during the rains. I would not change the afternoon water fights with Clotilde or take back the random embraces from children infected with ringworm. If I had to do it all again I would keep the grit in my rice that almost cracked my teeth and still listen intently to the never ending stories of needs and struggles that could not be satiated. I would not give up the warm greetings in the mornings nor the search for toilet key number 6 nor the inquisitive stares at the bore hole. I would not modify the limited lunch menu selection of rice, beans and chapatti or beans, chapatti and rice, nor the need for three interpretations of the same English phrase so we can all be together. I would not change having to hunt down masking tape to uphold lesson plans or having to sit on dirt floors to hold counseling sessions in cold, mud brick homes. I would not change the days I left with tears in my eyes from heartbreaking stories nor distant shouts of from excited children None of it. I wouldn't change a thing. My experience has been painfully perfect.
Dome's Favorites: Some quotes I pulled from email correspondence with my students (some of which may be the first ever email they have ever composed).
“I hope and believe that you are all sarounded by Angles who will guide and protect you in every step you make.”
“Good morning .I am very happy to have an opportunity to write to you
even i do in late.
I appreciate how you teach us very well in spite of the crying of my
child.Now I am doing my job very well because of your teaching.Thank
you again GOD bless you.” [*breast feeding babies are always welcome in class.]
“It so good to wish and be in touch with someone you have been with.
the chance of life i expect it in : education, friends and membership.”
“When you are experiencing those down days, can you take a picture of their progress? It is very real. It has changed them. Honestly and truly your impact has made such a difference in their lives” –my supervisor
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